Clean Thyself!
by fluffycat1979
Summary: Experience a thrilling look into one of the most under-appreciated things in our life! (A little side story to Viva la Chairolution!)


Clean Thyself!

**A/N: I do not own Rosario + Vampire except my own OC. This story came out of nowhere, and should be handled as such.**

As Jerry shuffled along the ground, he realized that his disguise was too…let's say, pink.

He was a pink towel.

How he became a pink towel is not important.

What is important is that he was on a mission.

A mission...to clean somebody.

Who was this somebody?

Anyone, really.

All that mattered was that he scrub the TOWEL out of somebody!

As he continued shuffling, he saw his goal.

The dormitories.

'YES!' He thought to himself.

He just began to quicken his pace when he heard a twig snap some distance from him.

'Oh crap, it might be them!'

He dove into the nearest bushes, keeping his head low.

As he sat there, wondering if they saw him, he heard 2 voices come into hearing range.

"Hey Bryan, did you hear that there was going to be a towel demon out tonight?"

"Actually no, I didn't. What should we do if we find it?"

"We'll convert him into one of us, an odor demon!"

"Mwahahaha! Yes! We shall!"

As the 2 demons walked away, Jerry silently let loose a sigh of relief.

'Good thing they didn't see me, or else I would have had to use my towel powers!'

He wasn't kidding. Towel powers were extremely dangerous.

They can literally cause our world to fall apart.

Jerry decided to keep off the road for the rest of the journey, sticking to the shadows sneaky assassin style.

He continued like this for a good fifteen minutes until he reached his destination.

As he got up from the ground to look at the buildings, he realized that he was covered in mud.

'Oh come on! Now I'm going to have to ask Inky and Winky to clean me!'

Now, Inky and Winky are famous demons.

They are famous because they do 2 things together.

Wash...and Dry.

AKA: If you want to look absolutely fabulous, jump inside them.

Besides that, the dorms loomed over Jerry like a pair of towels that had been strung up by chairs.

'Now…where to start…'

He wanted to go to the boy's dorms, but his inner pervert decided otherwise.

Male towels reading this, you know what I mean ;).

He made his way to the entrance of the girl's dorms, wishing he had invested in the towel ladder ability instead of towel-ray vision.

He nervously looked into the lobby of the building using his towel ray vision.

No one.

'Alright, this is good. I can probably get in undetect-

BWAH-BWAH-BWAH-BWAH-BWAH!

INTRUDER DETECTED. TARGET IDENTIFIED AS PERVERT. SPECIES: TOWEL. ELIMINATE ON SIGHT!

'Ah, crap. Seriously?'

All the windows of the girl's dorm flew open, irate female monsters looked outside for a towel of some sort that wanted to peep on them.

But they couldn't see him.

That was because he ran away.

He ran way, way, _way_, away.

He ran so fast that he leveled up his sprint ability to 100.

Pretty damn impressive.

As he was running, he listened for any noises behind him.

Nothing.

'Alright, I should be in the clear no-'

And what do you know, a freaking washbin dropped on his head.

"OWWWW!"

Jerry whipped around, immediately regretting it.

Every female in the school was running towards him at full speed.

It is rumored that he spun around so fast that he broke the sound barrier.

No matter if this was true or not, what we do know is that he ran away so fast that you couldn't see him.

Well of course YOU couldn't see him!

YOU are only human!

The girls though, were not.

So they saw him run away like a towel that had been used to wipe the nasty buttcrack of a sweaty monster.

Basically, it means that he ran like a white man in a black neighborhood.

Anyways, he ran for hours, not stopping to look at the looming death behind him.

He ran past monstrels, ogres, mermaids, chimeras, exorcists, bus drivers, and a giant skyscraper-sized monster that kinda looked like a xenomorph.

I think his name rhymed with 'Dracula' or something like that.

Anyways, he kept running until he reached the edge of the barrier.

'Well, now what?'

As he looked behind him, he saw that the girls were still in hot pursuit, wanting to spill Jerry's blood.

'How are they not tired?' Jerry wondered.

Jerry's question is actually a very good one, and I'll explain why.

You see, he asked the question because as a towel, he didn't get tired.

Towels have the unique ability to never tire.

Now he would expect the girls to become tired, but no, they didn't.

They didn't because of the 'Pervert Effect' and its abilities.

The Pervert Effect occurs when a girl or large amounts of girls discover someone, or many people, of the opposite or in-between sex peeping, trying, or just beginning to think about peeping on them.

This causes a massive 'rage' state in all the females involved, and causes them to rush towards the initiator in a desire to beat the almighty living shit out of them.

During this rage state, they gain massive amounts of physical strength, unlimited stamina, and massively increased senses.

AKA: If you are the initiator, you can kiss your ass goodbye.

…Most of the time.

Jerry was just thinking about this effect before he realized that he could survive!

…Only if he asked the towel gods for help.

'Okay, so where can I contact them?' He thought to himself as he dodged claws, teeth, and washbins.

'Wait…Yes! That place has it!'

So he ran all the way to the school, ripped one of the dial phones off the walls, and began to dial the number of towel gods, all while running from the girls.

'Okay, 424-4242..'

As he dialed the number, he noticed a lone figure running towards him, with a steel hand focusing a strange type of energy.

Jerry continued to run towards the figure, all the while waiting for someone to pick up the darn phone.

The figure got closer and closer, all the while looking like it could kick his ass more and more.

As the figure got about 100 feet from him, someone picked up the phone.

"_Hello, this is towel god incorporated, how can I help y-"_

Jerry screamed, "Getthesegirlsoffofmerightnowpleasethankyou!"

The towel and figure immediately collided fists afterwards, sending a massive explosion through the outskirts of the barrier.

The explosion knocked all of the girls unconscious, erased their memories, and sent them flying back to their dorm rooms.

As Jerry watched the girls fly away, a voice from behind him made itself known.

"Hello, towel."

Jerry spun around and came face to face with one the most feared inanimate objects of all time.

A chair.

"What-What do you want!?" Jerry stammered.

"I want to warn you."

"Warn me?"

"Yes, warn you."

"What of?"

"The Chairolution."

"…Exsqueeze me?"

"You heard me, the Chairolution. The Revolution where the chairs here will rebel against our monster overlords, and we shall rule this planet!"

"...Okay."

"Just okay? That's it?"

"Yep."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"I can't believe this! I make a dramatic entrance, and this is what I get in return!?"

"Well, geez sorry! ...Can I ask you something?"

"…Alright."

"Can I clean you?"

"…Sure."

And thus, the chair and towel became best of friends.

_**THE END.**_


End file.
